Grit War Is Over!

The Deadest Fox
December 15, 2016
Scarsdale, NY

DEAD FOX MANUFACTURING INTRODUCES REVOLUTIONARY PADDLE

The Dead Fox Manufacturing Company announced its entry into paddle manufacturing. Better known for its signature product, the Foxhole Flusher, the company is expanding into what has become the crowded paddle manufacturing space. The number of paddle manufacturers has doubled in the past couple of years, a fact not lost on Dead Fox’s President, Fessenden Cogswell.

Fessenden showed off his revolutionary paddle today at a press conference in the Fox Meadow Club hut. “We are here at the spiritual home of paddle to continue the tradition of always improving our beloved game. In 1928, they called it Fessenden’s Folly. Eighty-eight years later, Fessenden Blanchard would be pleased to see that his invention was a wonderful idea after all.”

Over the last few years there has been what the New York Daily Planet calls the “Grit War.” Every season there is a new paddle that has even more grit than the grittiest paddle of the previous season. Fessenden continued, “Dead Fox Manufacturing is proud to unveil the The Exterminator paddle. It will put an end to the Grit War. We like to say it’s the nuclear option. No other manufacturer will be able to match the amount of grit we added to our paddle. The grit comes from the Slate Rock and Gravel Company on Old Army Road in Edgemont, New York, the birthplace of paddle. We use an exclusive and very secret 24-carat gold bonding material to attach the rocks (grit) to the paddle surface.”

Hall of Fame member Cindy Prendergast has picked up yet another endorsement by agreeing to play with The Exterminator. Cindy has been bulking up her right arm to handle the additional weight of the paddle. The paddle allows her to put so much spin on the ball that sometimes the ball just splits in half. When that occurs a let is played.

Fessenden closed the press conference by assuring the paddle community that The Exterminator would be available just in time for Christmas. There was no comment when he was asked about the price.